My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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