Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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