My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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