Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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