the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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