I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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