she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
