Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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