the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
