your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
