Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
