Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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