No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
