just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
