Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
