i can't believe i had my finger in that
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
