Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
