Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
