Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
