it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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