he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
