i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
