the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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