just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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