I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I think I am morally bankrupt
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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