I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
