I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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