Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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