found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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