Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
