she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
