Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
