I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Randomize
