Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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