Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
