I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize