He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
