Where did you get a picture of my penis
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
