We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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