OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
