Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
