Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
