i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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