I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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