There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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