my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
