were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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