Girls should come with a carfax report
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
