He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
