Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
