I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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