Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
