I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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