I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
