I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
