The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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