Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
