So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
