A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
