The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
