where am i from again
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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