I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
