You're my little dorito
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
