Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
