Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
