I am puke
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
