I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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