OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
