I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
