Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
