i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
