Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
