I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
