Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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