I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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