yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
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At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
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Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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