my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
